I Made the Spiciest Meal Ever

Ingredients

• 1 medium head Cauliflower (cut into bite‑size florets)
• 0.25 cup Olive Oil (extra virgin, for frying)
• 1 tablespoon Lemon Juice (freshly squeezed)
• 1 teaspoon Finishing Salt
• 1 teaspoon Lemon Zest (fresh zest)
• 1 cup Roasted Red Pepper (skin removed, jarred or fresh‑roasted)
• 5 cloves Garlic (peeled; 2 for sauce, 3 for stew & curry)
• 2 tablespoons Toasted Almonds (unsalted, finely chopped)
• 1 teaspoon Smoked Paprika
• 0.5 teaspoon Cayenne Pepper
• 2 tablespoons Water (to loosen sauce)
• 1 teaspoon Apple Cider Vinegar
• 10 whole Seven‑Pot Chilies (wear gloves; extremely hot (≈1 000 000 Scoville))
• 2 tablespoons Gochujang (Korean fermented chili paste)
• 4 tablespoons Soy Sauce
• 1 tablespoon Mirin
• 200 g Firm Tofu (cut into cubes)
• 100 g Spam (diced)
• 100 g Shiitake Mushrooms (sliced)
• 1 cup Kimchi (roughly chopped)
• 2 packs Instant Ramen Noodles (discard seasoning, break into pieces)
• 0.5 cup Korean Rice Cakes (Tteok)
• 2 slices American Cheese (full‑fat, meltable)
• 2 stalks Green Onion (sliced)
• 4 cups Beef Stock (low‑sodium)
• 2 lb Chicken Wings (bone‑in, skin on)
• 2 whole Dragon's Breath Chilies (stem removed; 2.4 million Scoville, wear heavy gloves and goggles)
• 1 tablespoon Honey
• 1 tablespoon Ketchup
• 0.25 teaspoon MSG (optional umami boost)
• 0.5 cup All‑Purpose Flour
• 2 tablespoons Cornstarch
• 2 tablespoons Ghee (clarified butter)
• 2 tablespoons Tomato Paste
• 2 tablespoons Curry Powder Blend (mix of coriander, cumin, cinnamon, cloves, black pepper (toasted))
• 1 teaspoon Capsaicin Extract (pure 9 million Scoville, handle with extreme caution)
• enough for deep frying Vegetable Oil (high smoke point)

Instructions

1. Safety First

   Put on disposable gloves, goggles, and a mask. Wash hands thoroughly after handling any of the super‑hot chilies.

   Time: PT5M

2. Make Roasted Red‑Pepper‑Almond Sauce

   Combine roasted red pepper, 2 garlic cloves, toasted almonds, smoked paprika, cayenne, salt, water, 1 tbsp olive oil, and apple cider vinegar in a blender. Blend until smooth, adding extra water if needed.

   Time: PT10M

3. Fry Cauliflower

   Heat 1/4 cup olive oil in a deep pot to 350°F. Fry cauliflower florets in batches for 3‑4 minutes until golden. Drain on paper towels and sprinkle with finishing salt and lemon juice.

   Time: PT12M

   Temperature: 350°F

4. Coat Cauliflower with Sauce

   Toss the fried cauliflower in a large bowl with the roasted red‑pepper‑almond sauce, then add lemon zest and a pinch more salt. Set aside as Course 1.

   Time: PT5M

5. Prepare Seven‑Pot Chili Paste

   Remove stems from 10 seven‑pot chilies, slice, and place in a mortar. Add 3 garlic cloves, 1 tsp salt, and grind until a coarse paste forms.

   Time: PT8M

6. Build Korean Army Stew Base

   In a large pot, combine the chili paste, 2 tbsp gochujang, 4 tbsp soy sauce, and 1 tbsp mirin. Stir over medium heat for 2 minutes.

   Time: PT3M

   Temperature: medium

7. Add Proteins and Vegetables

   Add diced tofu, spam, sliced shiitake mushrooms, and chopped kimchi to the pot. Stir gently and let cook 2 minutes.

   Time: PT4M

   Temperature: medium

8. Simmer Stew

   Pour in 2 cups beef stock, bring to a gentle boil, then reduce to a simmer for 7 minutes.

   Time: PT7M

   Temperature: low simmer

9. Finish Budae Jjigae

   Add broken ramen noodles, rice cakes, and two slices of American cheese. Cook uncovered for 4 minutes until noodles are soft and cheese melts. Garnish with sliced green onions.

   Time: PT4M

   Temperature: medium

10. Marinate Chicken Wings

    In a bowl, combine chicken wings with 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp sugar, 1 tsp grated ginger, 2 minced garlic cloves, 1 tbsp honey, 2 tbsp soy sauce, 1 tbsp rice vinegar, 1 tbsp ketchup, 1 tsp MSG, and minced pieces of 3 seven‑pot chilies. Mix well and let rest 15 minutes.

    Time: PT15M

11. Prepare Breading Station

    Set up three shallow dishes: (1) flour, (2) beaten egg (optional), (3) a mix of cornstarch, a pinch of salt, and MSG. Dredge each wing first in flour, then dip in egg if using, then coat with the cornstarch mixture.

    Time: PT5M

12. First Fry (Par‑Cook) Wings

    Heat vegetable oil in a deep pot to 320°F. Fry wings for 3‑4 minutes until lightly golden. Remove and drain on paper towels.

    Time: PT8M

    Temperature: 320°F

13. Second Fry for Crispness

    Raise oil temperature to 375°F. Return wings to the oil and fry another 3‑4 minutes until deep golden and crisp. Drain and set aside.

    Time: PT8M

    Temperature: 375°F

14. Glaze Wings in Chili Sauce

    Toss the crisped wings in the remaining seven‑pot chili paste (or blend a fresh batch with a splash of oil) until evenly coated. Place on a serving platter.

    Time: PT5M

15. Toast Spice Blend for Beef Curry

    In a dry skillet, toast coriander seeds, cumin seeds, fennel seeds, and cloves for 1‑2 minutes until fragrant. Transfer to a mortar and grind to a fine powder. Mix with 2 tbsp curry powder blend.

    Time: PT5M

    Temperature: medium

16. Marinate Beef

    Combine beef cubes with the toasted spice blend, 3 minced garlic cloves, 1 tbsp grated ginger, and 2 minced Dragon’s Breath chilies (stem removed). Mix thoroughly and let rest 10 minutes.

    Time: PT10M

17. Brown Beef

    Heat 2 tbsp ghee in a saucepan over medium heat. Add the marinated beef and sear on all sides until browned, about 5 minutes.

    Time: PT5M

    Temperature: medium

18. Create Curry Sauce

    Add 2 tbsp tomato paste to the pot, stir for 2 minutes. Pour in 2 cups beef stock, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Cover and place in a pre‑heated oven at 375°F for 2 hours, stirring once halfway.

    Time: PT2H

    Temperature: 375°F

19. Blend Curry to Smooth

    After braising, transfer the sauce (including solids) to a blender and purée until smooth. Return to saucepan, add salt and black pepper to taste, and keep warm.

    Time: PT10M

20. Finish with Capsaicin Extract

    Stir 1 tsp pure capsaicin extract into the hot curry sauce just before serving. Taste cautiously; the sauce will be intensely hot.

    Time: PT2M

21. Plate the Four Courses

    Serve Course 1 (cauliflower) first, followed by Course 2 (budae jjigae), then Course 3 (seven‑pot wings), and finally Course 4 (capsaicin‑infused beef curry). Provide milk or yogurt on the side for relief.

    Time: PT5M

Nutrition Facts

Calories

1200

Protein

70 g

Carbohydrates

80 g

Fat

70 g

Fiber

5 g